i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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