She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
