so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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