She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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