In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize