So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You took a bar mat shot.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
