Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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