You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
