my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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