3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
