I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
