i think my tv is drunk
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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