I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
