People with herpes should wear stickers.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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