But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
