He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
