Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
