Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Randomize
