you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He kissed a someone with a penis
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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