I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
