My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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