is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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