a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize