Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
