I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
