Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
