Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
