oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
