idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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