Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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