Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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