you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize