i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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