Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
