A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
