I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize