Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
