We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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