I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
