But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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