If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
