please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
