Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
