That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
