I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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