Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
