is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
