Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i've created a new STD.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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