I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
