Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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