super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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