what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
