The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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