There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
