I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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