Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
