if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
