Have you finally orgasmed yet?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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