My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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