you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize