I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
