why didn't you poke me back
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
