I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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