I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
