we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
