My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
