u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
