it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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