Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize