Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
